Living in chaos! ...but surviving! :)

Five kids (especially going from 2 to 5) is so tough....I mean, i knew it would be, but somedays I just feel like crawling into a hole and crying! :( Some moments are wonderful, but some are just plain awful and I wonder why God called us to do this...Then we remember, "it doesn't matter the 'WHY?' and we may never know...we just know that HE DID CALL US TO IT...so THAT'S WHY we're doing it..." And then life just keeps going! :)

I think one of the hardest parts is that we see the GIRLS struggling--feeling neglected, feeling like they get the "backseat", like all the attention and love and care is going to the boys...our totally independent 3 1/2 year old is now super cry-y and cling-y to me (kate) and just flips out if I go somewhere without her...my oldest (6 next week) seems to have gone into a 'shell'--sometimes super helpful with the boys and soemtimes just gets really frustrated that they even are part of the family now.... so then I feel guilty and worried and I MISS being able to give them two all my love and attention...so one of the hardest things is finding ways to show love and attention (fairly/equally) between all 5 kids...

Twins aren't great at sleeping thru the night (ugh! That's a hard one for me!), but we're working on it! :) They are so fun and adorable, that generally I still am happy to see them at the start of another day... :) Abraham has his moments of bringing us joy and adding just a whole new dimension to our life and family as a BOY and now being the OLDEST and all of us trying to communicate with mostly motions--it can be a blast!....yet, he is very stubborn and doesn't seem to have ever been told "no" or "share" before in his life (unfortunately, he was in for a rude awakening coming into our home and having 4 siblings!) So he alternates between: being super loving and playful (he learned how to ride a bicycle for the first time 2 weeks ago, and then 2 days ago decided he could do it with no training wheels! and is LOVING it despite MANY crashes!)-OR - throwing tantrums like a "terrible twos" 2-year-old. And those instances may be totally random--(like b/c I pulled back his bed covers to have him crawl in...weird stuff like that) or they may just be b/c we said he wasn't allowed to hit one of his siblings. Soooo, then we struggle with how to deal with that: time out, time "in" (on our laps, sometimes forced), sent to room for crying on the floor like a baby, or just scooped up and hugged while he's screaming??? Sooooo frustrating!

So yeah, that's life right now. And then by 9pm, Doug and I are soooo exhausted--and the supper dishes haven't been picked up, the mail/bills haven't been paid, the poopy laundry hasn't been thrown in the washer, we haven't exercised, haven't done Bible study, haven't spent "down" time relaxing---but we jsut instead fall into bed.....and the next day starts all over again!!!!! We keep praying that the days get better, our wisdom grows, our time multiplies, and God gives us more and MORE GRACE!!!

And we are soooo THANKFUL for SOOOO MANY PEOPLE who are constantly praying for us, cooking for us, stopping over to HELP us clean up those supper dishes and play with our kids, for allowing us time to take a walk together (thanks, Bosmas!), for just being company to sit here and talk and LISTEN when we're struggling---we love you and are thankful to God for each one of you as we struggle through the challenges of this transition time. We keep praying (and counting on) there being less and less struggles and challenges (and less poopy diapers) and more and more joys and smiles EACH DAY! :)